How to Be at Peace

Co-authored by Rachel Clissold

Last Updated: May 3, 2024 Approved

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Is feeling truly peaceful a pipe dream? Nope! With a little work, you can feel calm, cool, and collected (just like you deserve to). Happiness is on the horizon, and we're here to show you what to do. From letting go of negativity, to relaxing through expert-proven techniques, read on to learn how you can find inner peace.

Part 1

Part 1 of 4:

Releasing Negative Feelings

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Release what you cannot control.^{[1]
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Research source} This is the most important part of feeling at peace and the first place you should always start. 90% of the time, when we're worried about something or stressed out, the source of our angst is really something that we have no control over. All you can do in life is to try your best and then let fate take its course. If you can't affect the outcome then there is no point in worrying about something.^{[2]
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- This is tough to do, of course, and will take some practice.
- Mostly you just need to remind yourself to let go, but you can also do exercises by distracting yourself with other tasks while you wait out the thing that's making you upset.
- Remember that the behavior of other people is one of the biggest things that is outside of our control.
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Find the humanity in all people. When other people make us angry, it is usually because we cannot understand why they're doing something that's making us angry. Instead of blowing up at someone or stressing yourself out, try to see things from their side of the table. Think about why they did what they did...and remember that we're all people with our own problems and our own dreams.^{[3]
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- For example, your husband may drive you crazy when he forgets to do the dishes. However, he doesn't forget them to be mean to you....forgetfulness is probably just a part of who he is, just like how you snore.
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Forgive yourself. A huge source of worry in our lives comes from when we beat ourselves up.^{[4]
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Research source} We really can be our own worst bully. Maybe you feel bad about forgetting to write a paper or maybe you're worried you said the wrong thing to your friend. No matter what you did, it's important to remember that you can't go back in time. Beating yourself up over something you can't change won't make things any better. All you can do is work to make the future better and improve yourself with time...which is something that everyone has to do.^{[5]
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- Remember, to err is human!
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Research source} Just like you have to forgive yourself, you have to forgive other people too. For most of the same reasons even! Remember: this means truly forgiving them.^{[7]
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Research source} Don't be passive aggressive or find ways to punish them later. Just let it go and find ways to work better together in the future!^{[8]
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Everything is temporary in life. The only things that are eternal are the rising and setting of the sun. You have to remember this in all things that you do. Embrace the things you love and enjoy them while you can. Wait for the passing of difficult times. When we die, we don't take any of these trappings of life with us, so make sure that it's your soul that's fulfilled and let the rest of it just go however fate feels like going.

Part 2

Part 2 of 4:

Building Positive Feelings

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Be yourself. When we try to be someone that we're not, it adds tons of stress, guilt, and unhappiness to our lives. We can hope all we want to be a different person than we are, but that's not really how people work! You just have to be yourself and embrace the person that you are.^{[9]
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- Don't worry about what other people say or what they want you to be.^{[10]
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  Research source} It's not their life: it's yours.
- Focus on doing the things that are true for you! Make sure to only say "yes" and "no" when you truly mean these things.
- We're always growing and we're always evolving as humans. What resonates with you today might not resonate tomorrow, and making choices that are in alignment with who you are today is extremely important to be at peace with yourself.
Life is all about getting to do things that bring you joy. When you live life really well, you perfectly balance doing the hard stuff, the fun stuff, and the stuff that helps others. Of course, some of us tend to focus too much on the hard stuff or we forget to take time out for ourselves. You have to pursue the things that make you happy, regardless of what other people think, or you will never feel fulfilled.^{[11]
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Take time out for yourself. Sometimes you need quiet time to focus on your own problems and decompress. It can be hard, in the loud mess that is life, to find time for this but it is very important for your own happiness and ability to handle the tough stuff in life.^{[12]
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- Try taking a weekend away at the library to read and relax.
- Sit alone for lunch sometimes to get away from the drama.
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Help others. Helping others is one of the most powerful things we can do to give ourselves a sense of fulfillment and peace. Helping others give us a purpose and lets us feel like we accomplished something great. If you find that nothing else in life is giving you a sense of peace, try helping people in serious need.^{[13]
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Trustworthy Source

Greater Good Magazine
Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living

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- You can volunteer at a local soup kitchen or at your local community center, tutoring for adult literacy classes.^{[14]
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Create goals. Having a goal that you can work for can really help when you're feeling lost and aimless. Really, what's the point in life if you don't have something to work towards, right? Find something that you want for yourself and then figure out what you have to do to pursue it. You'll find a zen-like peace when you're working with all your soul devoted to a single goal.^{[15]
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- Have you always wanted to learn how to play the piano maybe?
- Maybe what you really want to do is have a child?

Part 3

Part 3 of 4:

Calming Techniques

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Listen to calming music. Music can help us calm down and find inner peace even in the most stressful of situations.^{[16]
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Research source} Find music that works for you and then be ready to rock it at a moment's notice!
- One good chillout song is Ze Frank's "Chillout". What a surprise!
- MyNoise is another great source of relaxing music that can help you center yourself and find some inner peace.^{[17]
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Going for a walk or run is another good way to calm yourself down. Getting exercise not only tires us out and lets us release tension, it also releases endorphins, which are the brain chemical that regulates our emotions. Go for a quick jog around the block if you find you're having a hard time.^{[18]
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Whether you're playing fetch with a dog or pirates with a five-year-old, having fun with someone who really knows how to embrace the joys of life can make a huge difference when you're having a tough time.
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Avoid drama.^{[19]
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Research source} Drama, either drama you cause or drama you find yourself in the middle of, can really get in the way of finding your inner peace.^{[20]
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Research source} We tend to seek out drama because it makes life more exciting, but in order to find peace we have to make our lives more exciting by pursuing challenges instead. This is because the negative feelings associated with drama cannot create inner peace, which relies on positive feelings.
- If someone in your life is prone to just bringing the drama, try to cut them out as much as you can.
There are lots of great, basic comfort activities that you can do to calm down and find peace when you're starting to get a bit on edge. You can drink tea, watch a funny movie, meditate, light some incense, or any number of other calming rituals. These work based on personal preference, so just find one that works for you!

Part 4

Part 4 of 4:

Finding Wisdom

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Study the Stoics. The Stoics were ancient philosophers who were pretty much the experts at being at peace. It is the whole point of their philosophy! Read up on the Stoic philosophy and the lives of the Stoic philosophers and see how you can apply their lessons to your own life.^{[21]
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- A Guide to the Good Life, by William B Irvine, is a great modern primer on Stoic philosophy.
Holy texts, whether we're talking about the Bible or the Quran, can all teach us how to find peace by living more fulfilling lives.^{[22]
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Research source} Even if you're not a religious person, there's plenty of wisdom to be found in the holy texts of cultures all over the world. You will find that almost all of them teach the same ideals!
Spiritual advisers, such as priests and monks, can also help advise you on how to find inner peace. Even if you don't want a religious solution, they are experts in the soul and human mind and should be able to help you find productive, inspiring ways to improve your experience of life.
Go sit out in a natural area nearby. Listen to the trees. Watch the animals. Do they seem worried about what their brother did last Christmas? Do the trees seem to notice when it starts to rain? No. Nature adapts and embraces every twist and turn in life and you should too.^{[23]
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Read books. There are a number of books and works by people who have really mastered this peace thing. Seek out some books that deal with the issues that cause you tension or go with some of the classics. Some authors that are known for the significant contributions to philosophy on this issue include:
- Joseph Campbell
- Alan Watts

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Hang out with your friends and talk to them about what they do!

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Never let what anyone else says get to you. You will be more at peace if you thicken your skin a little.

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