You know the story: one partner says “I think you're amazing,” when the other just wants them to unload the dishwasher. What happens when two people love each other, but they just don’t show it in the way their partner wants them to?
In his book, Gary Chapman identified 5 love languages—or, 5 unique ways that people give and receive their affections to others. Discover yours, and you’ll finally know how to ask for the love you need. And that’s exactly what you deserve. So what are you waiting for? Click “Start Quiz” now.
Questions Overview
- Sweet compliments. I need to know I’m adored.
- Amazing hookups.
- Weekly date nights.
- Gifts. And they don’t have to cost anything—my partner can “gift” their time and effort, too.
- I’d want them to give me a sincere apology, especially if they pair it with a thoughtful gift.
- I’d love for them to offer a long back massage.
- If they planned us a day trip to my favorite place, I’d be touched.
- I’d be thrilled if my partner made me a nice dinner.
- Amazing communication.
- Reassuring hugs.
- Being attached at the hip and looking out for each other.
- Knowing just what I like. If they pick the perfect gift, they know me through and through!
- If they describe what they like about me, whether it’s looks or personality.
- If their touches are electric.
- If they ask for another round, just so we can spend extra time together.
- If they do something super romantic, like hold the car door or bring chocolates to our date.
- Give my partner a deep look and say: I love you so much.
- Buy champagne and scatter rose petals on the bed.
- Plan a weeklong vacation, just the two of us.
- Make a loving sacrifice for them. I’d either spend money on a fancy gift or take a day to help them finish a chore they’ve been dreading.
- Someone who can’t communicate a feeling to save their life.
- Someone who you don’t have a strong physical connection with.
- Someone who’s too busy to prioritize time with you or do things to help you.
- Someone who doesn’t ever get me anything.
- Good-morning texts. Even when we’re not together, we’re communicating our care for each other.
- Cuddling every night before bed.
- Choosing one special day of the week that’s just for us.
- Making a big deal out of birthdays, either with incredible gifts or by throwing each other parties.
- Saying the right thing at important moments.
- Offering comforting touches when someone’s upset.
- Shifting my schedule to include people I care about, even when I’m busy.
- Being thoughtful. Without being asked, I'll run my partner a relaxing bath.
- Send you this text: Hey, I know today's been rough, but you’ve got this.
- Be waiting at home with open arms. Sometimes a hug is all you need.
- Clear their schedule: You're going out for ice cream, and it's on them.
- Surprise you by cleaning the house for you.
- They told me I was special—it meant the world.
- They held me while I cried over my last breakup.
- They only had one day off and spent it with me. It made me feel important.
- They went all out to celebrate my promotion. They planned a big dinner and even bought me a thoughtful gift.
- A sappy, handwritten poem.
- A couple’s massage.
- A weekly cooking class to go to with my partner.
- I absolutely adore any/all gifts.
- Random sticky notes with sweet messages left all over your house.
- Hot, surprise hookups at random times in the day.
- Spontaneous weekend road trips where the only planned activity is bonding with each other.
- My partner randomly checking things off my to-do list for me.
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The Love Languages: An Overview
In any relationship, intimacy and appreciation are key. But what happens when your efforts to connect go unnoticed? It’s not that your partner ignores your bids for affection, but rather, they don’t seem to understand them.
The truth is that we all give love differently. And on some level, we all expect our partners to see things the way we do; specifically, we expect them to find the same gestures meaningful. As a result, we might ignore thoughtful, generous attempts to give love—just because their choices are unlike ones we might’ve made ourselves.
The good news is that Gary Chapman’s “Love Languages” can help. When you understand your own love language, you gain the vocabulary to express your needs to others. And when you understand a friend or partner’s love language, you gain the ability to see the meaning and love behind their gestures.
The result is a healthier, happier relationship dynamic. Using love languages, two people can appreciate one another’s unique romantic style. And even better, they can try to give love in ways their partner will appreciate, too. So what are the 5 love languages? By describing desires and habits of individuals in each group, we’ll unpack the love languages in depth below.
Words of affirmation. These are people who crave verbal connection; they're all about communication. If your love language is words of affirmation, then you like others to describe their feelings to you in detail, compliment you regularly, and offer comforting words when you’re upset.
- You love: Love letters, good-morning texts, emotional confessions, specific compliments, and regular calls.
Physical touch. These people feel that physical intimacy is the best way to show affection. If your love language is physical touch, you may be sensual by nature. Your appreciation is by no means limited to sex, and you probably love any physical affection from your partner.
- You love: long hugs, forehead kisses, throwing an arm over the shoulder, touching even while you do different things, and cuddling.
Quality time. These people believe that spending time with loved ones is the most meaningful way to connect. If your love language is quality time, you appreciate a person’s willingness to make time in a busy schedule and see this as a reflection of real love.
- You love: laughing together, vacationing together, taking plans seriously (and never canceling them), and dedicating time to each other consistently.
Gifts. To these people, thoughtful, concrete gestures are the most meaningful form of affection. The gift can be small or big, cheap or expensive—that’s not their focus. Instead, they just crave physical tokens of a friend or partner’s appreciation.
- You love: having a bouquet of flowers waiting at home, your favorite candy added to the grocery list, nice jewelry on big occasions, having your dinner paid for on date night, and heartfelt, homemade gifts (like a scrapbook).
Acts of service. These people appreciate hard work and dedicated time. They love when a partner goes out of their way to make their lives better, and they believe that in love, you have to walk the walk—not just talk the talk.
- You love: when a partner vacuums, does errands, folds laundry, helps you prepare for an interview, helps you tackle a major life event (like a move), or cooks your favorite meal.
Want to learn more?
For more information on Love Languages and how you can apply them in your own relationships, read on:
- https://health4u.msu.edu/articles/2017-identifying-love-languages-in-your-relationship
- https://extension.usu.edu/relationships/faq/love-languages
- https://www.uagc.edu/blog/the-psychology-behind-the-5-love-languages
- https://videovault.wsu.edu/2017/06/15/love-languages-building-better-relationships/
- https://commons.und.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1418&context=ot-grad
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